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M. Robert Mulholland Jr. wrote in his book Invitation to a Journey, “If you want a good litmus test of your spiritual growth, simply examine the nature and the quality of your relationships with others.”

Like all aspects of life, one must assess self and others:

 Lamentations 3:40 ESV Let us test and examine our ways and return to the Lord!

Romans 12:3 ESV For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.

As our church encourages everyone to find their place within one of the church’s groups, we chose to join Forever Followers. Recently we attended a gathering of Christians at the home of a couple in the group. The setting exuded beauty and peace, the landscape was filled with gorgeous flowers and plantings. The attendees were a mixed bag of professionals, convenience store clerks, missionaries, and retirees. In attendance were both singles and couples. Basically, it was a cross section of educational and economic society. If anyone had any pretentious thoughts or attitudes they hid them well, because the mingling and conversations flowed between everyone without regard to worldly status. The world pushes its agenda of inclusivity, but inclusivity occurs naturally in another realm. Our short comings make us equal; all have fallen short of the glory of God.

What struck me most about our group was the laughter resonating from the smaller groups which formed on the patio, and in different rooms within the home, as everyone enjoyed the company of those gathered. The relationships derived emulate the standard of perfection the world cannot possibly produce. Such a standard can only succeed and be maintained in a spiritual realm and to a person, everyone at the gathering is aware they fall short in their own special ways but forgive each other for it. This is the essence of the fruits of the Holy Spirit, and just like each fruit of the world has a unique flavor and texture, so do the fruits of the Spirit.

Pay attention to how the definitions of words are being skewed these days, what is that all about? It’s about creating doubt and confusion, blurring the realities and condemning every thought of a standard. When we speak of the fruits of the Spirit, we must hold to the definitions provided, in standards. Love is my first example. The word love gets applied in so many vague or strange ways, it loses meaning. The reason can be found in the inadequacies of our language where instead of creating or using more specific words to define our feelings we opt to just use the word love. True love, the one specific love of the Spirit is defined by selflessness, sacrifice, forgiveness. Hints of love’s flavor run through all the other fruits. So, what are the other fruits of the Spirit? What I saw at our gathering were these, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

What do Christians talk about when they gather for a house party? Non-believers shy away from Christians with fear, some of it based in hear-say, some from personal negative experiences, some totally unfounded self-doubts, or even just lazy thoughts (works don’t make you a Christian but being one takes work).

So how is it possible to hear laughter coming from a group of what non-believers might call judgmental sour-faced Christians who reject the offerings of the world? Well, for myself, I related stories to the group—of growing up above my grandmother’s tavern and how she always packed a pistol and had to have a six pack of beer with her. One female guest spoke of her time in the Air Force working on F-16s. Others shared stories of faulty misadventures in their youth, such as going to a strip club for a bachelor’s party. Surely there was some restraint in play but basically everyone appeared comfortable to share their follies in a humorous manner, making fun of missteps of the past. Another fellow confessed his hatred for a man he worked with and how he overcame it to become friendly with him. He made his journey of hate into a humorous anecdote. There were serious moments, as we started off the evening with a brief prayer and ended it with another prayer. One characteristic runs true in all who gathered, they want to be better people and want to create a peaceful community.

Just before we left for the gathering, I received a text message about my adult grandson being rushed to the hospital for a hole in a collapsed lung. The remedy involved removing a portion of the lung and scraping the inside of the chest cavity to create scarring to reinforce the support structure for his lungs. The surgery would take two hours, everyone at the gathering shared our concerns and offered to pray. How can you place a value on such support? In short, our common beliefs had created a community with common goals based on love. I ask you, as you look around your neighborhood, doesn’t it seem we are overburdened with chasing the things of the world? We barely know those who live near us and as Christians are accused by non-believers with being judgmental. Doesn’t such guilt fall on non-believers as well? Judgements based on the size and quality of houses, cars, lifestyles, race, and political views all ignore and mask the true inner workings of the person. These are the ways our communities end up in division.

Our Christian group does not refrain from exposing their human side, their weaknesses and flaws. One fellow, who is highly educated and professional shared the story of failing to learn French in High School. It was his worst subject, he was failing his second term while all his other grades were stellar. His French teacher took him aside and confided she would grant him a minimal passing grade as she saw no likelihood the French language would have any bearing in his future. Well as fate would have it, he found himself working in France for thirty years, married a French-Canadian woman who was a French language professor and he now owns homes in France and Quebec. This is how a community rolls, to hear other people’s experiences and life journeys endears them to you, builds a community, and relieves the fear of judgment. Before you throw someone under a bus, get to know their story first. There will always be another bus coming along later.

George Alexander Aberle (April 15, 1908 – March 4, 1995), known as eden ahbez, (he never used caps in his name) was an American songwriter and recording artist who said, “So you see it's not an issue of black and white, it's an issue of lovers and haters." In his song recorded by Nat King Cole, he wrote “"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, Is just to love and be loved in return"

Most of this post has attempted to define love, so what about hate? If we look at 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NIV 4 Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. If hate is the opposite of love, then we must assume it to be impatient, unkind, envious, boastful, proud, it dishonors, it is self-seeking, easily angered, keeps records of wrongs. Doesn’t the opposite of love look a lot like selfishness or self-love? The greatest book on the human condition and love is the Bible. Non-believers can dis on it, but without studying the Bible, their words are dribble. Healthy minds study their world. Christianity has been a major influence, standard, and guiding force in our world. The best approach to gaining knowledge is to refer to the basics, so study scripture, while tuning out the static noise generated by haters and mockers.

A Christian who wants to grow (and following Christ is inherently a lifelong journey of walking closer with Christ) takes on the endeavor of lifetime study and seeks fellowship within a community of students. Expect a life of quizzes and exams, the most important aspect comes in the acknowledgement you were challenged. Some challenges you will pass, some you will fail, but take ownership, write your name in bold letters across the top of them all.

1 John 4:8 NIV 8 Whoever does not love, does not know God, because God is love.

So, what does it mean when someone declares, “I don’t believe in God!”?

We recommend among other authors, the works of Richard W. LaFountain, such as Time Alone with God.